A Good New Fangled Irish Wake

Well, we made it home in one piece from the funeral of our dear old friend Rick, but only because Grandma did the driving (everyone had been up all night at the wake, I was the only one in any shape to drive 8 hours home!). The funeral crowd overspilled the ample sanctuary of Rick’s Mom’s Catholic church, SRO inside (including the entire foyer) and others standing outside. The priest was a bit taken aback, and rightly suspected a lot of these people had probably never darkened a church door in their lives. But he did fine anyway, and all our hearts were broken - we were there for Mom, no one was going to cause any trouble.

In the immediate family circle are O’Sheas and Coins and O’Cains and O’Rourkes and other names so blatantly Irish nobody could confuse the issue by the number of Rastas and Buddhists and Presbyterians and atheists (and God-Knows-Whats) in the crowd. Even though we did outnumber them. After the mass there was a photo collage presented in the fellowship hall, probably 600 people stayed to see it.

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Filed under Family Gatherings, Musings, Dying, Customs, Relationships, Family Life, Feasts, Generational Learning | Comment (0)

A Happy Family Holiday

…from the lake cabin!

One daughter, her annoying (and very loud) boyfriend, one niece and her not-annoying boyfriend, two semi-sons and their wives, one grandson and three old Navy buddies (plus 2 wives). It’s been a busy week here at the lake house for Mama and Papa Elf, who always stretch out Christmas over the entire length of the holidays. That’s a perk we give ourselves after a grueling season at the mall contributing to the Pagan trappings of the consumerist frenzy.

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Filed under Customs, Family Gatherings, Relationships, Division of Labor, Holidays, Feasts, Family Life | Comment (0)

The “Virtual Baby Shower”

An idea whose time has come!

With my younger daughter expecting to deliver in March and living far enough away that we can’t see her very often, I have been quite concerned about whether she’s got friends enough up there in Yankee-land to throw her the proper showers and make sure she’s got everything she needs in the way of ’stuff’ and sage mom advice about things that only moms can know. I’ve been stressing about how I was going to get up there both for at least one shower as well as for when the baby comes, so I can help out and get them started on the least stressful (I know, that’s a relative assessment) schedule for all baby all the time…

Her best friend lives here, where she went to high school. I’ve spoken with her about the whole shower thing and how this is to be managed with everybody living so far apart. Then, this past week my daughter’s best friend surprised and delighted me with the most wonderful idea!

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Family Projects for the Holidays

Getting the kids involved in making holiday gifts and decorations

Many, many moons ago when my children were actually little children (and we were quite poor), we all learned how much our extended family and friends loved to get presents from us that we’d made ourselves, however imperfect they might be. Because they represent some real thought, some hard work, and each comes with a little bit of ourselves mixed in.

That first year I’d decided that there would be no ornaments on our tree that we didn’t make. Got some construction paper, glue and glitter, and went to work. Daughter made some nice round ornaments with patterns of bright glitter on both sides that nicely reflected the lights. Son decided cutting glittered rounds into spirals worked nicely, and they certainly did! They hang with depth a little like icicles, but with personality. Then the next year they got together and made many more glittered paper ornaments with the names of loved ones written in puffy paint on top of the glitter, “so they can be here with us for Christmas,” my son explained. We still have a surprising number of these paper and glitter ornaments, and hang them still, every Christmas.

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The Strange History of Marriage

Taking a bit of a break from All Baby, All The Time, thought I’d do a little strolling through human history to see what there is to see about the institution of marriage. I’ve been wondering why some people want to cling to exclusive cultural frames at a time when about half of traditional marriages end in divorce and the benefits of marriage are being denied to whole segments of the population altogether. Maybe understanding something of the history and traditions associated with the institution could help our society to figure out what marriage is in the modern world and who may claim the right to *be* married.

I was inspired to go looking by an op-ed by Stephanie Coontz in the New York Times entitled Taking Marriage Private [Nov. 26]. She begins the article with a question, and a historical observation:

WHY do people — gay or straight — need the state’s permission to marry? For most of Western history, they didn’t, because marriage was a private contract between two families. The parents’ agreement to the match, not the approval of church or state, was what confirmed its validity.

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Filed under Customs, History, Relationships, Marriage, Family Life | Comments (2)