Luckily, thrifty new parents can get all this stuff used, either cheap or for free. These days when couples generally don’t plan to have more than one or two children – and those spaced 4 or 5 years apart – it’s not like it was when I had two in cribs and diapers at the same time. My Mom had 3 in diapers at the same time! So unless you’re having twins, triplets or even more of a litter than that, you’ve only got one set of baby-goods to get.

Now, a newborn baby can bunk down in an old dresser drawer if need be, but people really do like those pretty wicker bassinets and antique cradles. The antique cradle isn’t likely to have side spindles close enough together for modern regulatory tastes, but you can purchase cradle-bumper pads that tie firmly to the corner braces and center spindles and these will prevent the baby’s head from ever getting stuck. Crib bumpers are a requirement as well, even for newer cribs with closely-spaced bars, for comfort of the sleeping baby as well as some small sense of cozy privacy in the bed.

Some families have an overabundance of baby furniture (and baby clothing, and baby doo-dads and baby knick-knacks). Sunshine is going to be my 7th grandchild (not counting the 6 to whom I am “Aunt Granny”), so cribs, changing tables, dressers, car seats, high chairs and boosters have definitely made the rounds. To the point where some of it’s been trashed as no longer usable. Of the brothers with 4 toddlers between them, their families live too far away from my pregnant daughter to easily pass any of it along.

So I figure Sunshine is in line for some brand new used stuff. I’ve been looking for a baby basket – a woven bassinet-size flexible basket with handles that is very handy for a place to lay a sleeping baby in any room of the house or even out in the yard while working, or taking for friends or family overnight visits. No bassinet, basket or cradle is going to hold a baby more than about 4 months (or as soon as they can roll over on their own), as it soon becomes cramped or unsafe. But such things allow a baby to sleep more comfortably than those propped-up baby seats do. Though that baby seat is certainly handy to keep the baby close by and able to watch you work around the house while s/he is awake (and for occasional snoozes).

Some Moms and Dads like those baby backpacks or front-slung slings for shopping or going for walks, though for mall trips a stroller is definitely preferable unless you like backaches. I had a nifty double stroller (front seat-back seat) for my two, which my mother-in-law bought me new. It was my freedom and I loved that thing! It even had ample baskets so I could stroll down to the neighborhood grocery store and buy a couple of bags’ worth of food with the kids safely in front of me.

Those changing tables are way overrated, in my opinion. Particularly in the new price range of $90-$200! If you must have, get a used one at Goodwill for $5. Most I’ve seen are poorly put together and not very sturdy, and a half-inch piece of plastic covered foam just isn’t worth the price you pay.

Better to get a baby dresser that matches your crib, or just find a nice wooden dresser at the auction shop and refinish it. Buy some dense 1″ foam for the pad and cover it with the plastic version of whatever nursery theme material you’ve chosen for your bedding and curtains. Secure it to the top of the dresser and voilå! You’ve a fine changing table that’s much sturdier than one of those cheap Wal-Mart varieties. Put your powder and lotion and rash cream, diaper pins and even diapers in the top drawer, or you can hang one of those cloth diaper holders on the wall next to the dresser.

And speaking of basic care goodies (I know, it’s not furniture), I’m a big believer in cloth diapers. They’re not as convenient as disposables – which you’ll definitely want for traveling – but they’re better for the baby’s skin, tend to be changed more often, and not that hard to deal with. New styles are pre-folded and have velcro tabs just like disposables. Launder your own (as I did, back in the olden days) or get a diaper service. You’ll need a pail and will have to learn how to flush-rinse soiled diapers. That sounds yucky (and is), but you’ll encounter grosser things than just dirty diapers in your Mom-Job!

Be sure to take hubby shopping for baby furniture with you, and educate yourself on safety regulations pertaining to baby furniture before you go. Check out all hardware on cribs, make sure things fit together tightly and all the hinges and latches work well. Check the drawers on the dresser and any other nursery furniture to make sure they don’t stick and aren’t warped. You may want to refinish matched or mismatched pieces to suit your chosen nursery theme. Use non-toxic paints or varnish finishes, always.

There are specialty consignment shops for baby furniture, baby accessories and baby clothing. There are the big second-hand outlets like Goodwill and Salvation Army where everything’s under one roof with the maternity clothes and maybe even a nice used rocking chair too! There are neighborhood garage sales, where some great bargains and unusual pieces can sometimes be found. And don’t forget to check out the want ads, the community Super-Shopper rag, and online auction houses like e-Bay. Beware to not be fooled by a great purchase price, e-Bay sellers sometimes nail you with shipping charges that could get a Mercedes Benz from one side of the country to the other!

Check out some of the good advice in the links below about buying used baby items. Always set yourself a budget and don’t bust it unless you’ve just GOT to have that antique cradle no matter what. And happy baby-shopping!

Links:

Target Woman: Baby Nursery Furniture

New Parents Blog: Baby Furniture

Buy used baby furniture at affordable rates

How to select baby furniture

People don’t ‘do’ children these days like they used to. Why, in my parents’ generation it wasn’t at all unusual for a couple to have a dozen or more children, and for parents to become grandparents while they were still popping out a baby every other year!

In those days a parent had plenty of time to become a ‘Pro’ while still having children to personally raise. Make the worst mistakes with the eldest, the least with the youngest, and all the kids in between suffering a little less of that “rough childhood syndrome” as time went along. Not everybody’s family was The Waltons, where Ma and Pa were pros right from the start.

Of course, those darned Waltons did have Grandma and Grampa living with them. Or they lived with the grands (it being the Great Depression and all). These days most couples have just a few children, two being average and four being a regular big deal. And with a transient society where people move around a lot to get good work, grandparents aren’t as prevalent in a child’s life as they once were either.

We found that there were some basic no-nos as kids get older that they’d figured out a long time ago, while we were busy making the same mistakes they’d already learned were mistakes. These aren’t the same as deciding whether corporal punishment will ever be allowed, or how you’ll organize bedtime, time-outs and encourage helpfulness around the house for your toddlers and pre-schoolers.

Hardly anyone gets “taught” about parenthood – it’s a trial-by-fire feet-first dive into the deep end of life. And if you’re only going to do it once or twice in your life, it would be advisable to avoid known mistakes. Older kids need more space than young children do, and more respect for their autonomy. It’s easy to forget day to day that your babies are growing up quickly, but that’s just what happens anyway. Best to be prepared for that eventuality early on as well.

Below are some worlds of wisdom from old-timers, that should be taken to heart even as your life and lifestyle changes to accommodate babies. Because they won’t be babies very long.

Mistakes Not to Make with Older Children

1. Failing to respect your children’s privacy. Having a place of their own becomes especially important as children reach adolescence. This place could be as insignificant as a purse, a diary, a shoebox of notes or even just a drawer in a desk. The important thing is that your child understand that this is his/her private space, and that you will not rummage through it without permission.

2. Betraying your children’s confidence. Children need to feel that they can trust their parents at a basic level. Such trust forms the foundation of self-esteem and trust in others. One way to earn a child’s trust is to respect their ’secrets’. The only time this confidence should be sacrificed is when not doing so would endanger your child or someone else. And even then, a simple and honest explanation to the child is warranted.

3. Not setting appropriate limits. Children of all ages need limits. House rules, curfews, respect toward other household members, etc. It can be difficult for parents to be firm and consistent in setting and enforcing such limits, but a parent is not the same thing as a good buddy. Kids need parents to be in charge, and can become anxious and afraid if they see parental weakness.

4. Not following through on rules and punishments. The consequences of not following through are similar to not setting the appropriate limits in the first place. Children will feel out of control and behave worse than before. In general this leads to frustration for everyone.

5. Relinquishing control of your children to someone else. Fewer children these days are being raised in a traditional two-parent household than ever before. In most homes where there are two parents, both parents work. This makes regular outside child care a necessity, and this can cause confusion about who is really in charge – the parents or the caregiver. Children need to feel that their parents are strong and in control, and that they understand from home what their manners, duties and responsibilities are. Parents should make sure child care personnel have similar rules and punishments, or make sure the caregiver knows what is expected.

6. Constantly criticizing your children. Parents can be critical of their children because they love them so much. But too much criticism can make a child shy and reluctant to engage, can cause poor self esteem, and can seriously affect success at school.

Trying to change your child’s personality. Nobody’s perfect. The impulse to try and change a child’s personality into something s/he is not can do serious damage to the child’s self esteem and confidence. Avoid the temptation, learn to enjoy your children for who they are as unique individuals.

7. Use inappropriate statements as discipline. Things NOT to say:
- “You’re bad.”
- “Wait till Daddy comes home!”
- “Because I’m the Boss, that’s why.”
- “Your [sister, brother] doesn’t do that.”
- “See if I care.”
- “You never do anything right.”
In other words, don’t threaten them with your partner’s wrath, don’t pretend you don’t care, don’t compare them with someone else, and don’t belittle their being.

8. Foster dependence long after it’s realistic. Successful parenting prepares children to make their own way in the world as best they can. Growing childrens’ benchmarks all seem to come with signs of increasing independence. Allow them that independence, but don’t encourage complete disinterest. Be proud of their benchmarks – and tell them you’re proud.

Children are a huge disruption in any couple’s life, and a big responsibility. Yet they’re the most rewarding of life’s investments, an expansion of a love you may have thought couldn’t get any greater. Perhaps that’s why they call having children “Multiplying” instead of “Dividing,” eh?