Grandmother’s House

The every-other-year trip to sunny Oklahoma to visit with Grandma (great-grandma to my grandkids) was quite the stressful situation this year, which is the year my hubby’s and my sole remaining parent turns 87. She was hospitalized for ten days a couple of months ago with a terrible case of food poisoning – we don’t buy the ‘flu’ excuse, it wasn’t flu – and we flew our daughter out there to stay with her when she got out because we couldn’t take the time off. Daughter made arrangements for home health care, which she needs because she lives alone in a too-big house. The one her mother bought just off Main Street, which survived the tornado that took out the hotel a block in front and the Presbyterian Church a block behind. Back when my hubby was 8 years old and Norma and Clint ran the hotel.

She has also lost sight in one eye, so needed someone to take her car keys away for public safety’s sake. This also makes her depth perception non-existent, and has led to a series of nasty falls that have us and her other son’s family who lives about 45 minutes away most paranoid. Her friends and neighbors love her, but don’t want to be the ones to discover her dead one day alone in that big house, but she’s stubbornly clung to her independence since her husband of 50 years died over a decade ago.

Luckily she has very tough bones, product no doubt of her youthful career as a Rodeo Queen – champion barrel racer – and the number of times she’d been bucked off her horse. But it’s inevitable that one of these days she’s going to break something, and all her choices will be gone. That would be a very sad end to a wonderfully storied life, and not something we would ever wish upon her. So our job was to unite with the rest of the family and try hard to convince her that she should go into a nice assisted living facility less than a minute away from #2 son.

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On Kids and Chores

Still no Sunshine as yet, though she’s overdue and we’re on pins and needles around here for that new grandbaby! You’d think this might have me scrambling to finish the quilt and iPod onesie, but alas, not so. Grandma can think of a million and one reasons NOT to finish the many projects she starts, so this is nothing new…

Char over at Casual Keystrokes blog has a post Moms and Grandmas should love – My Secret to Getting the Kids to Help with Chores. I like this idea so much I’m going to make it a regular this summer when we’ve a house full of grandkids at Grandma’s Summer Camp. Trick is to let the kids take turns being ‘boss’ and picking the rewards. Very, very cool.

15 Tips For New Grandmas – 3

Part 3: Tips 11-15

11. Teach Your Grandchild Something Cool

When you have your grandchild for a day or a few days, try to get them interested in some skill or knowledge that you have, which he or she might be willing to learn. My daughter sniffed at sewing because I sewed – said she didn’t have to learn. But #1 grandson is quite the sew-er (seamster?), makes many of his own fashionable accessories (including a kilt and leather armor, all his halloween costumes) and does his own alterations. I taught him the basics, help him pattern, he enjoys doing the work.

If your grandchild is artistically inclined, have art supplies handy. If s/he’s a budding actor, encourage it. There are interests you as grandma can indulge and help to develop, and children need to know someone’s interested in what they can do.

12. Let the Grandkids Help With Meals

When our grandchildren are here with us I like to get their daily input on what’s for lunch and dinner. Sure, they sometimes think up something awful, but it’s an opportunity to get to know what they like and don’t like, what combinations most appeal to them. I’ve tons of cookbooks with great illustrations, and a big garden that’s usually got fresh produce incoming when they’re here. Except for strawberries and cherry tomatoes, most makes it into the kitchen before being eaten.

If we’ve picked a bunch of tomatoes, I get out the tomato recipes and let them decide. It’s usually Granny’s Famous ‘Mater Pie. We chunk up the variety veggies and marinate for kabobs. They’re expert ‘tater and corncob foil-wrappers, and will eat as much of everything cooked in or over the fire as they can fit in their stomachs.

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15 Tips For New Grandmas – 2

Part 2: Tips 6 – 10

6. If You Live Close, Set Babysitting Rules

If your kids live in the same town or area, you may fall into the “convenient” babysitter role. I’ve known grandmothers to get hoodwinked into providing full-time day care for young grandchildren because their daughter decided she didn’t want to deal with real day care when she went back to work. There’s nothing that can sour a grandma-grandchild relationship faster than a grandma who feels abused by the presence of that grandchild.

If you don’t plan to be full time caregiver, don’t volunteer for the job and don’t accept it when offered. Remind the kids that you already paid your baby-raising dues, and don’t plan to start all over again. Also beware of being the “convenient” sitter on call for any time the kids want a night out. Sometimes this can translate to indulgence, while putting the kibosh on all your plans for what YOU want to do.

7. Avoid the Dueling Grandmas Game

Often a grandma can be snowed with tales about what the ‘other’ grandparents do. If you fall for it, you may find that you’ve been hoodwinked into donating way more time, money and/or “goodies” than is good for anybody!

Often these days there are 3 or 4 grannies per grandchild, what with the burgeoning divorce and remarriage rate. And that situation has often conspired to contribute serious spoilage to the new parents as well as the grandkids. Parents and grandparents who vie for affection with bribes and fancy gifts aren’t really buying love. If love is what you’ve got to offer, it will be valuable in its own right.

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15 Tips For New Grandmas

Toward cementing your role in your grandchild’s life

My newest grandchild is affectionately known as Sunshine (when she’s not being referred to by her eldest cousin as GuitarGreg) will be making her appearance within the next 10 days or so, 500 miles away. She’ll be my seventh and the oldest is 17, so I’ve a little grandmotherly experience. Since I’m not a perfect person, perfect parent or perfect grandparent, I’ve had to learn some things the hard way. This series lists 15 tips that might come in handy.

Part 1: Tips 1 – 5

For you new or expectant first-time Grannies out there, here’s tips 1 through 5…

1. Choose Your Granny Name Well, You’ll Have It Forever

If you don’t want to be called “Granny” or “Grandma” or “Grandmother,” come up with something you like better. Your grandchild will hopefully have at least two grandmothers, and you’ll want to distinguish your title from the others. My grandmothers were “Miss Granny” and “Lala,” my hubby only had one and she was the formal “Grandmother.” Some like “Nana” or “Nonie” and “Amah” is pretty good if you don’t mind the Asian overtones. “MeeMa” is another grandparent name among the tribe, while yet another is simply “Gram.”

It doesn’t really matter what they call you, but that’s who you’ll be to them all their lives. Whatever you decide, let your children know your wishes. If you don’t they’ll give you a granny title of their own choosing, and you’ll have a heck of a time undoing it!

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The Truth About Kids

No matter how thoroughly you prepare, no matter how well you’ve planned for every contingency, no matter how many books you’ve read or how much good advice you’ve internalized, kids will be kids. And over a lifetime they’re entirely likely to do things that will surprise you, or become things you hadn’t counted on.

Reuters has an article entitled An Inconvenient Truth – Kids Aren’t Perfect that examines the truth about kids with a good bit of humor, which is an indispensable quality for any parent to have in the face of real life. A short cite:

Before becoming a parent, for instance, I genuinely believed I could convince my offspring that Barney the Dinosaur is in fact evil and does not actually love them.

I was also convinced that my children would be the first toddlers in history to possess, thanks to their kindly father, impeccable table manners and a keen appreciation of historical documentaries, late-90s acoustic mope rock and Alaskan scenery.

On all these counts, I was forced to face facts. News flash: kids love Barney, do not generally appreciate the genius of Ken Burns or Elliot Smith and will never, ever, even if you shell out many thousands of dollars on a pleasure cruise of Glacier Bay, give a damn about the majesty of the wild when there’s a buffet table piled with cookies behind them.

It’s a funny read, recommended for all grown kids of us grandmoms who are just starting their families. Of course, the article is written by a Dad, and Dads aren’t nearly as realistic in their expectations of children than Moms are (somehow, we just know these things). My newest granddaughter will be here soon, so this is is a laugh dedicated to Sunshine’s Mom, who is hereby permitted to read it out loud to Sunshine’s Dad, just so he can see how silly unreasonable expectations can seem.

Best Reasons to Go Vegetarian

Under the general heading of “nutrition” we’ve examined how to get the kids to eat vegetables, taken a look at how big food producers subvert our best nutrition goals through targeted advertising, how those same corporations once subverted the AMA to claim there’s no relation between diet and health, and how the best “animal protein” for infants comes comes directly from Mom.

The great blog One Big Health Nut has a post entitled Ten Great Reasons to Become a Vegetarian that just might help to push some of those kids who are toying with the idea all the way over the line. If Mom or Grandma were to help reinforce these reasons at home, that is. Why, a Grandma just might end up with a grandchild (like a couple of mine!) who eats bell peppers and whole tomatoes like apples, shuns any bread with no color, and subverts their school, scout and summer camp buddies to veggieburgers and veggie dogs.

Of Health Nut’s reasons, the ones that have worked best with my kids and grandchildren were #4: Save the life of many animals, #8: Help the environment, and #10: Vegetarian diets are healthier. Mad Cow and e.coli infection (Health Nut’s #1) are great reasons to avoid meat, but kids generally don’t tend to worry about such things much. They worry about obesity – they all know fat kids in their schools, and don’t want to be them – the environment, and (most of all for primary schoolers) animal welfare.

Go on over to One Big Health Nut and get the whole list! It’s worth printing out and putting up on the fridge with magnets. I did!

Ten Great Reasons to Become a Vegetarian

Pimping Someone Else’s Blog

I know, I know. This one’s short and pithy, but I just can’t help it. I may be a grandma old enough to be attending a couple of grand-graduations this spring, but I’m also a certifiable geek or I wouldn’t be here playing amongst the Inter-tubes, would I? Bearing that in mind, I absolutely must recommend a new blog I discovered today that had me laughing so hard I was glad nobody but the dogs were here to think I’m crazy…

8 Good Examples of What Happens When Geeks Have Children

If you laughed at this borrowed photo, you’ve got some more laughs coming! Meanwhile, I’ve just gotta make one of those iPod onesies for Miss Sunshine, who should be here in the wider world with us this time next month!

10 Ways to Make Mom Buy

Moms spend much more money that Dads do. More than 2 trillion (with a ‘T’) dollars a year! That’s a darned lucrative market, so it’s one with a hefty amount of psychologizing put into it by Madison Avenue when they’re designing ad campaigns.

Now, there are people out there who will insist that the target audience for all this marketing is children, and many psychologists insist that advertising targeting children is unethical. Not that ethics counts for very much when there’s trillions of dollars on the table, of course. Deal is, children don’t work for a living, thus have little money to spend on all those expensive, questionably useful consumer items they’re being sold. The person who is REALLY being targeted is Mom. The marketers are just adding to the marketing appeal by enlisting children to do their work for them!

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Looking at Life from the Long End

The Older Child Adoption and Permanency Movement logo – Adopt Older Kids and Youth: A-OKAY.

It’s really kind of strange. When our own children were babies – and at 14 months apart, they were babies at the same time – we were positively terrified by them. Or maybe by our own perceived responsibilities FOR them. We spent many a long night just watching them sleep, deciding what we would and wouldn’t do in relation to the way our parents raised us, sowing the seeds for all new mistakes we invented along the way.

We didn’t have much furniture, being in the Navy and having to move every few months. So when hubby was at nuke school (that came between A-school and sub-school) in Bainbridge and we were living in falling-down WW-II housing blocks in Aberdeen, we put a mattress in the middle of the living room floor, pillows against the walls against which we could sit.

Daughter, our eldest, was just new to walking and didn’t mind having to crawl on soft living room floor one bit. Son wasn’t yet a year old, crawling and rolling was his main means of locomotion. I recall days and weeks spent doing nothing (apart from the usual cooking, dishes and laundry) but rolling around on that mattress with them laughing as hard as they could. Or just watching them wrestle with each other. They were so beautiful! So new, so promising. So much our responsibility!

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