6. If You Live Close, Set Babysitting Rules

If your kids live in the same town or area, you may fall into the “convenient” babysitter role. I’ve known grandmothers to get hoodwinked into providing full-time day care for young grandchildren because their daughter decided she didn’t want to deal with real day care when she went back to work. There’s nothing that can sour a grandma-grandchild relationship faster than a grandma who feels abused by the presence of that grandchild.

If you don’t plan to be full time caregiver, don’t volunteer for the job and don’t accept it when offered. Remind the kids that you already paid your baby-raising dues, and don’t plan to start all over again. Also beware of being the “convenient” sitter on call for any time the kids want a night out. Sometimes this can translate to indulgence, while putting the kibosh on all your plans for what YOU want to do.

7. Avoid the Dueling Grandmas Game

Often a grandma can be snowed with tales about what the ‘other’ grandparents do. If you fall for it, you may find that you’ve been hoodwinked into donating way more time, money and/or “goodies” than is good for anybody!

Often these days there are 3 or 4 grannies per grandchild, what with the burgeoning divorce and remarriage rate. And that situation has often conspired to contribute serious spoilage to the new parents as well as the grandkids. Parents and grandparents who vie for affection with bribes and fancy gifts aren’t really buying love. If love is what you’ve got to offer, it will be valuable in its own right.

8. If Finances are Tight, Consider Your Contributions Carefully

When families are starting out they often don’t have the accumulated means to buy a nice house or car, to purchase the nicest clothes or accessories, or afford the best pre-schools or private schools. Grandparents with money will often be asked to help.

Always consider whether what you can give is going to help or hurt the family in the long run. If you give them a down payment for an over-valued house with an ARM mortgage, they’re probably better off renting awhile longer. If the public schools aren’t bad, don’t get snookered into private school tuition just so the parents can brag. And if you don’t have much to spare, invest it for the grandchild instead – an educational fund is always a good investment that will benefit the child when she or he needs it for their own necessary future.

9. Respect The Parents’ Wishes

Sit down with your child and spouse and talk about what their parenting philosophy and hopes are. Then support that as much as you can. If they don’t want their child to watch violent television or movies, don’t let them watch such fare when you’re in charge. If they are raising their child to avoid meat, don’t sneak hot dogs or beef stew into ‘em. Same if they want their child to snack on fruit instead of candy, etc. If they’ve decided on a religion you don’t share, don’t try to undermine it.

This is basic common sense if you expect to have a significant role in your grandchild’s life.

10. Pay Personal Attention to Your Grandchild

Parents have a lot on their minds, often not much time for ‘quality’. Especially in households where both parents work full time and there’s more than one child a single child may feel she or he doesn’t get much one-on-one attention. Parents do the best they can, but the modern world isn’t easy.

A grandmother can offer a good chunk of that good-natured, non-judgmental, look ‘em in the eyes kind of attention that helps to bolster a child’s self-esteem. You can even be rewarded for this when that grandchild calls fairly regularly just to chat about what happened in school, who’s mad at whom, and share the details of their lives that are very important to them, but may not be so important to over-harried parents or siblings.

Posts to This Series:
Part 1: Tips 1 – 5
Part 2: Tips 6 – 10
Part 3: Tips 11 – 15

Luckily, thrifty new parents can get all this stuff used, either cheap or for free. These days when couples generally don’t plan to have more than one or two children – and those spaced 4 or 5 years apart – it’s not like it was when I had two in cribs and diapers at the same time. My Mom had 3 in diapers at the same time! So unless you’re having twins, triplets or even more of a litter than that, you’ve only got one set of baby-goods to get.

Now, a newborn baby can bunk down in an old dresser drawer if need be, but people really do like those pretty wicker bassinets and antique cradles. The antique cradle isn’t likely to have side spindles close enough together for modern regulatory tastes, but you can purchase cradle-bumper pads that tie firmly to the corner braces and center spindles and these will prevent the baby’s head from ever getting stuck. Crib bumpers are a requirement as well, even for newer cribs with closely-spaced bars, for comfort of the sleeping baby as well as some small sense of cozy privacy in the bed.

Some families have an overabundance of baby furniture (and baby clothing, and baby doo-dads and baby knick-knacks). Sunshine is going to be my 7th grandchild (not counting the 6 to whom I am “Aunt Granny”), so cribs, changing tables, dressers, car seats, high chairs and boosters have definitely made the rounds. To the point where some of it’s been trashed as no longer usable. Of the brothers with 4 toddlers between them, their families live too far away from my pregnant daughter to easily pass any of it along.

So I figure Sunshine is in line for some brand new used stuff. I’ve been looking for a baby basket – a woven bassinet-size flexible basket with handles that is very handy for a place to lay a sleeping baby in any room of the house or even out in the yard while working, or taking for friends or family overnight visits. No bassinet, basket or cradle is going to hold a baby more than about 4 months (or as soon as they can roll over on their own), as it soon becomes cramped or unsafe. But such things allow a baby to sleep more comfortably than those propped-up baby seats do. Though that baby seat is certainly handy to keep the baby close by and able to watch you work around the house while s/he is awake (and for occasional snoozes).

Some Moms and Dads like those baby backpacks or front-slung slings for shopping or going for walks, though for mall trips a stroller is definitely preferable unless you like backaches. I had a nifty double stroller (front seat-back seat) for my two, which my mother-in-law bought me new. It was my freedom and I loved that thing! It even had ample baskets so I could stroll down to the neighborhood grocery store and buy a couple of bags’ worth of food with the kids safely in front of me.

Those changing tables are way overrated, in my opinion. Particularly in the new price range of $90-$200! If you must have, get a used one at Goodwill for $5. Most I’ve seen are poorly put together and not very sturdy, and a half-inch piece of plastic covered foam just isn’t worth the price you pay.

Better to get a baby dresser that matches your crib, or just find a nice wooden dresser at the auction shop and refinish it. Buy some dense 1″ foam for the pad and cover it with the plastic version of whatever nursery theme material you’ve chosen for your bedding and curtains. Secure it to the top of the dresser and voilå! You’ve a fine changing table that’s much sturdier than one of those cheap Wal-Mart varieties. Put your powder and lotion and rash cream, diaper pins and even diapers in the top drawer, or you can hang one of those cloth diaper holders on the wall next to the dresser.

And speaking of basic care goodies (I know, it’s not furniture), I’m a big believer in cloth diapers. They’re not as convenient as disposables – which you’ll definitely want for traveling – but they’re better for the baby’s skin, tend to be changed more often, and not that hard to deal with. New styles are pre-folded and have velcro tabs just like disposables. Launder your own (as I did, back in the olden days) or get a diaper service. You’ll need a pail and will have to learn how to flush-rinse soiled diapers. That sounds yucky (and is), but you’ll encounter grosser things than just dirty diapers in your Mom-Job!

Be sure to take hubby shopping for baby furniture with you, and educate yourself on safety regulations pertaining to baby furniture before you go. Check out all hardware on cribs, make sure things fit together tightly and all the hinges and latches work well. Check the drawers on the dresser and any other nursery furniture to make sure they don’t stick and aren’t warped. You may want to refinish matched or mismatched pieces to suit your chosen nursery theme. Use non-toxic paints or varnish finishes, always.

There are specialty consignment shops for baby furniture, baby accessories and baby clothing. There are the big second-hand outlets like Goodwill and Salvation Army where everything’s under one roof with the maternity clothes and maybe even a nice used rocking chair too! There are neighborhood garage sales, where some great bargains and unusual pieces can sometimes be found. And don’t forget to check out the want ads, the community Super-Shopper rag, and online auction houses like e-Bay. Beware to not be fooled by a great purchase price, e-Bay sellers sometimes nail you with shipping charges that could get a Mercedes Benz from one side of the country to the other!

Check out some of the good advice in the links below about buying used baby items. Always set yourself a budget and don’t bust it unless you’ve just GOT to have that antique cradle no matter what. And happy baby-shopping!

Links:

Target Woman: Baby Nursery Furniture

New Parents Blog: Baby Furniture

Buy used baby furniture at affordable rates

How to select baby furniture

As my younger daughter goes forward in her pregnancy, she’s soon going to grow right out of her wardrobe. It’s inevitable, of course. In this age of anorexia, how can a woman look beautiful or capable or womanly while sporting a watermelon-size belly?

She has always been fashion conscious, won’t enjoy muu-muus or tent dresses, or any of those ridiculously ‘cutesy’ outfits with the lace or Peter Pan collars, big belly-pointing arrows, or such. And since she and her hubby are young and not rich (the way of things, I think), they don’t have much money to purchase $100 outfits that serve for three months or so and then are never worn again.

So I’m going to go shopping here with my elder daughter the Professionally Creative Thrifter and Fashion Icon, ship her a maternity “Care Package.”

She’s already gaining weight that probably won’t go away when the baby’s born – not “baby-weight.” I can’t help her with bras or underwear, as those are things she’ll want to purchase new and well-fitted. What I can find are well-tailored, sensibly fashionable, comfortable maternity clothes at a bargain price.

There are entire consignment shops that specialize in maternity wear, because women do tend to get rid of their maternity wear once they’re not pregnant anymore. The usual thrifting outlets (Catholic Charities, Goodwill, Salvation Army) also have entire maternity sections. Since designers have been producing really nice looking pantsuits, dresses and work suits, it’s not difficult to put together a very serviceable wardrobe that should get my daughter through the watermelon stages.

For work I think the tunic styles are nice. Particularly if fairly plain, and with nice open jackets over slacks or skirt. Regular fashion sense should prevail here, though I’ll bear in mind my daughter’s usual color and pattern preferences. I figure that 3 or 4 basic tunic tops, 2 mix-and-match jackets and 3 neutral skirts and pairs of slacks will serve her for such occasions through the few months.

Around the house and out and about the choices should be more casual. She’ll want some denim pants with the front stretch panels, maybe some cords and khakis as well. There are plenty of nice T-shirts with full-cut bodies that should be about a buck-fifty at Goodwill or CC. She can of course use any bulky sweaters and sweatshirts all the way through her pregnancy as casual wear. And sweat pants can fit over a pretty good belly, so I’ll be looking for some of those matched sweatsuits with matching jackets. She’ll be going through the big-belly stage from December to March, so she won’t need swimwear, tank tops or brief shorts to keep cool.

I figure we should be able to put a suitable wardrobe together for less than a hundred bucks, and it’ll make her feel much prettier than she would if she just had to make do with moo-moos, ugly stretch pants and X-large men’s T-shirts. While looking around for maternity fashions, I did notice that there are some spectacular dressy-dresses that not only look beautiful on the woman, but enable reverent belly-worship from all onlookers.

If she doesn’t have to buy the daily wear, she can splurge on one of these and make hubby take her someplace nice for a date and dancing. I highly encourage not becoming a self-conscious hermit while pregnant. Of course, that’s because I think most all pregnant women are shiningly beautiful, all the way through.

Oh, and yes, I will be sending a muu-muu or two. Just because it’ll make her smile in remembrance of our many “Muu-Muu” parties when we’d all dress in those many my Mom and sisters kept giving me every Christmas for years (I never did figure out why). Even made Grandpa wear one, he looked really silly but wore it with pride anyway.

Check out some of the advice and styles in the following, excellent resource links for how to save money on good clothes, and how to look spectacular when you most feel like a cow. Pregnant women ARE beautiful. But the wardrobe is, for most, temporary. Pass them along when you’re done, someone else will thank you kindly for it when their months of watermelon-belly loom!

Links

Inexpensive Maternity Clothing (check the internal links for great styles)

How to Find Inexpensive Maternity Clothes

How to Buy Maternity Wear

RainbowHawaii: Muu-Muus