Ever since I got married relatives have been sending their kids to visit during the summer when they’re out of school. First it was my little brother and sisters. When they grew up and had children, it’s been nieces and nephews too. Then it was adopted children, semi-adopted children and then their children – my grandkids. Since I’ve generally been a mostly at-home Mom and Grandma, this (wherever we’re living at the time is ‘this’) is where the kids come. We don’t mind.

Yet the visitors are mostly “city kids,” who aren’t trained and accustomed to looking out for issues here in the country that simply don’t arise in the city. Looking both ways before crossing the street, knowing how to trigger the crossing light, being wary of strangers, keeping the doors and windows locked and being in constant cell-phone distance from a parent or caregiver are all very useful skills in the city. Out here where the nearest paved road is half a mile away and nobody can “drive by” there’s other things to worry about.

The grandson who has lived here with us for 16 of his 18 years has never run into serious trouble. Grandson #2 and nephew #1 from baby sister have both had losing run-ins with copperheads, another nephew nearly broke his ankle trying to run straight down the terraces (but at least he didn’t take a nose-dive off the cliff), and we’ve installed a stop sign at the railroad crossing because we’ve always been paranoid of that. Only a few visitors ever got really lost, luckily we have very good girl-dogs who will always tell us if a kid’s in trouble, lead us right to them.

So we’ve installed some activities that will keep visiting kids close and entertained. We can’t move the swimming hole any closer (it’s about a mile), so we insist that an elder teen or adult ALWAYS accompany the young’uns – swimming hole totally off-limits until someone becomes available. We’ve also closed off the bottomland to kids, enforce it with horror stories about campers who had to go to the hospital with total-body poison ivy, whole families attacked by swarms of yellow jackets. Copperheads and timber rattlers. Even the ghosts of the prisoners who built the railroad’s great wall across the cove. You name it, we’ve tried it. Now nobody goes down there in the summer unless we make ‘em help clean out the spring.

We’ve got 10 holes of frisbee disc golf course right here on the ridge. Nephew did manage to break a total of 6 kitchen and library windows when learning how, but we’ll get those replaced eventually. With plexiglass. There are occasional snakes, but generally people playing are making enough noise for them to get out of the way. Plus, the little girl-dogs are on constant patrol, take kid-duty seriously.

We have horseshoes and badminton, a large and always in need of help garden that grows delicacies that never actually make it back to the kitchen before getting eaten. There’s the back yard campfire pit and the forest is chock full of sticks to burn. This year we’ve stocked up on boxes of Peeps, on sale the week after Easter and chunked into the freezer. If you love roasted marshmallows, you’ve just gotta try roasted Peeps!

We have a regular armory stuffed with the entire range of water weapons, from derringer to tactical nuke. Plus several gross of balloons for making grenades. We have an archery and BB range. We have an entire array of mock battle gear, your basic wooden and PVC spears and swords and battle axes and clubs covered with pipe foam and duct tape so nobody can get really hurt. And, for when worst comes to worst, we’ve got a well-stocked library room, every board game ever invented, some challenging jigsaw puzzles, cards, not one but two bar-quality dart boards and a box full of darts. We’ve a junk drawer full of dice and pick-up sticks, a DVD/VCR, and art/craft supplies galore. Daughter works at a supply store…

We also keep large supplies of mosquito repellant on hand. There’s the deep woods DEET stuff (use sparingly, it causes cancer eventually even though it prevents West Nile and Yellow Fever right now), there’s Avon Skin-So-Soft, and there’s a mint-based concoction I make and put in a mister spray jar. Here in the Appalachian forest, bug repellant is a lot more useful than sun screen (but we keep SPF 30+ in big bottles).

For the inevitable stings, bites, cuts, bends, scrapes and pokes, I stock poundage of baking soda and jars of ammonia and rubbing alcohol, industrial-size containers of your basic no-frills bandaids and bandages, 4 sizes of ace elastic bandages, some elastic joint supporters and some velcro splints.

Being well stocked and well prepared for summertime guests of the “I’m Bored!” variety is a temper-saver extraordinaire. We’ve always had to lay down some hard and fast rules for when other people’s children are here for any length of time, but that doesn’t prevent the inevitable.

What kind of supplies do readers suggest for guests in-town? Things have changed a lot since I was a kid and my parents didn’t want to know I was around unless it’s dinnertime and I’m late. The rainy weather indoor stuff would be as good, I think. Lots of scrap paper, colored pencils, waterpaints, charcoals, beads and beading supplies, various other art/crafty things, video and DVD entertainment options, board games, cards, darts, dice, etc. What do you do with kids if they can’t go outside, apart from formal activities you’ve planned for evenings and days-out (movies, out to dinner, trip to the museum, picnics, hiking excursions, swimming at the pool or lake, etc.)?

11. Teach Your Grandchild Something Cool

When you have your grandchild for a day or a few days, try to get them interested in some skill or knowledge that you have, which he or she might be willing to learn. My daughter sniffed at sewing because I sewed – said she didn’t have to learn. But #1 grandson is quite the sew-er (seamster?), makes many of his own fashionable accessories (including a kilt and leather armor, all his halloween costumes) and does his own alterations. I taught him the basics, help him pattern, he enjoys doing the work.

If your grandchild is artistically inclined, have art supplies handy. If s/he’s a budding actor, encourage it. There are interests you as grandma can indulge and help to develop, and children need to know someone’s interested in what they can do.

12. Let the Grandkids Help With Meals

When our grandchildren are here with us I like to get their daily input on what’s for lunch and dinner. Sure, they sometimes think up something awful, but it’s an opportunity to get to know what they like and don’t like, what combinations most appeal to them. I’ve tons of cookbooks with great illustrations, and a big garden that’s usually got fresh produce incoming when they’re here. Except for strawberries and cherry tomatoes, most makes it into the kitchen before being eaten.

If we’ve picked a bunch of tomatoes, I get out the tomato recipes and let them decide. It’s usually Granny’s Famous ‘Mater Pie. We chunk up the variety veggies and marinate for kabobs. They’re expert ‘tater and corncob foil-wrappers, and will eat as much of everything cooked in or over the fire as they can fit in their stomachs.

13. Have Them Help You Read the Fine Print

When your grandchild learns to read, one fun exercise is to take him or her grocery shopping with you and teach them about scrutinizing food labels. They get to practice their reading skills, and learn something about what’s really in the stuff they’re eating.

My general rule is if you can’t pronounce it, you probably shouldn’t be eating it. Keep going through the brands until you find one that doesn’t have all those unpronounceable chemicals and preservatives in it, chances are your grandchild will decide very firmly that it tastes much better than that ‘other’ brand.


14. Let Them Make the Drinks Too

I have the simplest lemonade recipe on the planet – a cup of bottled lemon juice and a cup of sugar in two quarts of water. It’s hard to mess up, so I usually let the grandchild make it first thing in the morning, drink all day. Pick up some fresh lemons, limes or oranges and let them squeeze the juice. Let them help you harvest some fresh mint for mint tea, or work the juicer with the morning’s garden haul for homemade V-8.

You might be amazed at what healthy drinks and snacks your grandchildren will eagerly consume if they get to help concoct them. And you won’t get a reputation as the “junk-food granny.”

15. Encourage Physical Activity

If your grandchild is born in a city like mine were, you know that social conditions no longer encourage kids to spend time outdoors doing physical things. Too much danger out there, too little to do. If you live in a rural environment as we do, or can plan to go rural when the grandkids are with you for visits, keep them moving!

Go hiking or bike riding, visit museums or exhibits they’ll enjoy. Go camping or swimming, take up frisbee golf or horseshoes or badminton. Play kick the can or capture the flag at dusk, or even a friendly game of tag. Every bit of exercise you can engage in with the grandchildren is exercise that will help you too!

These are fun tips about how a new grandma can build a relationship with her grandchild/grandchildren that’s unique and valued. When babies are new some plain old mom-knowledge is most useful, some TLC to the new mom and dad too. Cook some meals, stay with the cranky baby while they take a walk to earn calm. Babies are not babies for very long, and before you know it they’re full-fledged kids with more energy than any adult, and an insatiable curiosity that seeks stimulation.

In the end, the very, very best thing about grandchildren is that you as grandma can give them back to their parents for the hard work and worry. Your main job is to enjoy them!

Posts to This Series:
Part 1: Tips 1 – 5
Part 2: Tips 6 – 10
Part 3: Tips 11 – 15

6. If You Live Close, Set Babysitting Rules

If your kids live in the same town or area, you may fall into the “convenient” babysitter role. I’ve known grandmothers to get hoodwinked into providing full-time day care for young grandchildren because their daughter decided she didn’t want to deal with real day care when she went back to work. There’s nothing that can sour a grandma-grandchild relationship faster than a grandma who feels abused by the presence of that grandchild.

If you don’t plan to be full time caregiver, don’t volunteer for the job and don’t accept it when offered. Remind the kids that you already paid your baby-raising dues, and don’t plan to start all over again. Also beware of being the “convenient” sitter on call for any time the kids want a night out. Sometimes this can translate to indulgence, while putting the kibosh on all your plans for what YOU want to do.

7. Avoid the Dueling Grandmas Game

Often a grandma can be snowed with tales about what the ‘other’ grandparents do. If you fall for it, you may find that you’ve been hoodwinked into donating way more time, money and/or “goodies” than is good for anybody!

Often these days there are 3 or 4 grannies per grandchild, what with the burgeoning divorce and remarriage rate. And that situation has often conspired to contribute serious spoilage to the new parents as well as the grandkids. Parents and grandparents who vie for affection with bribes and fancy gifts aren’t really buying love. If love is what you’ve got to offer, it will be valuable in its own right.

8. If Finances are Tight, Consider Your Contributions Carefully

When families are starting out they often don’t have the accumulated means to buy a nice house or car, to purchase the nicest clothes or accessories, or afford the best pre-schools or private schools. Grandparents with money will often be asked to help.

Always consider whether what you can give is going to help or hurt the family in the long run. If you give them a down payment for an over-valued house with an ARM mortgage, they’re probably better off renting awhile longer. If the public schools aren’t bad, don’t get snookered into private school tuition just so the parents can brag. And if you don’t have much to spare, invest it for the grandchild instead – an educational fund is always a good investment that will benefit the child when she or he needs it for their own necessary future.

9. Respect The Parents’ Wishes

Sit down with your child and spouse and talk about what their parenting philosophy and hopes are. Then support that as much as you can. If they don’t want their child to watch violent television or movies, don’t let them watch such fare when you’re in charge. If they are raising their child to avoid meat, don’t sneak hot dogs or beef stew into ‘em. Same if they want their child to snack on fruit instead of candy, etc. If they’ve decided on a religion you don’t share, don’t try to undermine it.

This is basic common sense if you expect to have a significant role in your grandchild’s life.

10. Pay Personal Attention to Your Grandchild

Parents have a lot on their minds, often not much time for ‘quality’. Especially in households where both parents work full time and there’s more than one child a single child may feel she or he doesn’t get much one-on-one attention. Parents do the best they can, but the modern world isn’t easy.

A grandmother can offer a good chunk of that good-natured, non-judgmental, look ‘em in the eyes kind of attention that helps to bolster a child’s self-esteem. You can even be rewarded for this when that grandchild calls fairly regularly just to chat about what happened in school, who’s mad at whom, and share the details of their lives that are very important to them, but may not be so important to over-harried parents or siblings.

Posts to This Series:
Part 1: Tips 1 – 5
Part 2: Tips 6 – 10
Part 3: Tips 11 – 15

My newest grandchild is affectionately known as Sunshine (when she’s not being referred to by her eldest cousin as GuitarGreg) will be making her appearance within the next 10 days or so, 500 miles away. She’ll be my seventh and the oldest is 17, so I’ve a little grandmotherly experience. Since I’m not a perfect person, perfect parent or perfect grandparent, I’ve had to learn some things the hard way. This series lists 15 tips that might come in handy.

Part 1: Tips 1 – 5

For you new or expectant first-time Grannies out there, here’s tips 1 through 5…

1. Choose Your Granny Name Well, You’ll Have It Forever

If you don’t want to be called “Granny” or “Grandma” or “Grandmother,” come up with something you like better. Your grandchild will hopefully have at least two grandmothers, and you’ll want to distinguish your title from the others. My grandmothers were “Miss Granny” and “Lala,” my hubby only had one and she was the formal “Grandmother.” Some like “Nana” or “Nonie” and “Amah” is pretty good if you don’t mind the Asian overtones. “MeeMa” is another grandparent name among the tribe, while yet another is simply “Gram.”

It doesn’t really matter what they call you, but that’s who you’ll be to them all their lives. Whatever you decide, let your children know your wishes. If you don’t they’ll give you a granny title of their own choosing, and you’ll have a heck of a time undoing it!

2. Don’t Attempt to Dictate Names for the Baby

I don’t care if “everyone” in your family is named after a relative, you don’t get to decide who – if anyone – a grandchild is named after. This can cause no end of tension in a young family, because the spouse also has a family that will have ideas about who that baby should be named after.

When we started our family we purposely chose names that nobody on either side owned, so there wouldn’t be issues of favoritism. Then had to correct situations where grandparents, aunts and uncles wouldn’t call them by their actual names. Best idea is to be happy for whatever name the parents choose (don’t pout if it’s not your favorite), then pay attention to what THEY call their child. If you reinforce the child’s awakening to his or her own self-identity, it helps cement your relationship.

3. Be Careful With Your Pet Names

Just as you may want to choose your own grandmother title, you may be tempted to stick a cute kiddy nickname on your grandbaby. This may be entirely inappropriate, so approach this with caution. If the parents use a nick, you can probably use the same one. Or not, it mostly depends on your relationship.

It may be okay to call the child by his/her formal name, even if the parents use an informal nick. “Steven” instead of “Stevie,” “Abigail” instead of “Abbie,” things like that. This way the child knows s/he has a formal, important-sounding name, and that his/her grandmother says it like it really *is* important. Makes them feel grown up.

4. Package Advice With a Spoonful of Sugar

Giving advice is always a tricky thing, and when you’re dealing with new parents it’s good to remember they’ve been through a lot very recently in just getting that baby into the world. If possible always wait for the right opening – when your daughter asks or expresses confusion, or her spouse expresses frustration.

Whatever you do, try hard to avoid taking sides in any ongoing disagreements between the parents. The last thing you want to do is cement dissent in the new family, so it’s best to put your best UN-style diplomatic skills to good use. These skills are something grandmas possess in abundance!

5. Be Positive, Even if Your Son-In-Law is Worthless

I’m joking, of course. Heard a Bluegrass band on the radio the other day called “The Worthless Son-In-Laws” (sic), which is the best band name since grandson #1 came up with “Puppet Hand Gone Bad” some years ago. So long as your child is happy in her marriage and he’s not running around or beating her, give him the benefit of the doubt. If you keep an open mind and get to know him, you might even figure out what she sees in him!

Stay tuned for tip installment #2…

Posts to This Series:
Part 1: Tips 1 – 5
Part 2: Tips 6 – 10
Part 3: Tips 11 – 15