15 Tips For New Grandmas

Toward cementing your role in your grandchild’s life

My newest grandchild is affectionately known as Sunshine (when she’s not being referred to by her eldest cousin as GuitarGreg) will be making her appearance within the next 10 days or so, 500 miles away. She’ll be my seventh and the oldest is 17, so I’ve a little grandmotherly experience. Since I’m not a perfect person, perfect parent or perfect grandparent, I’ve had to learn some things the hard way. This series lists 15 tips that might come in handy.

Part 1: Tips 1 – 5

For you new or expectant first-time Grannies out there, here’s tips 1 through 5…

1. Choose Your Granny Name Well, You’ll Have It Forever

If you don’t want to be called “Granny” or “Grandma” or “Grandmother,” come up with something you like better. Your grandchild will hopefully have at least two grandmothers, and you’ll want to distinguish your title from the others. My grandmothers were “Miss Granny” and “Lala,” my hubby only had one and she was the formal “Grandmother.” Some like “Nana” or “Nonie” and “Amah” is pretty good if you don’t mind the Asian overtones. “MeeMa” is another grandparent name among the tribe, while yet another is simply “Gram.”

It doesn’t really matter what they call you, but that’s who you’ll be to them all their lives. Whatever you decide, let your children know your wishes. If you don’t they’ll give you a granny title of their own choosing, and you’ll have a heck of a time undoing it!

2. Don’t Attempt to Dictate Names for the Baby

I don’t care if “everyone” in your family is named after a relative, you don’t get to decide who – if anyone – a grandchild is named after. This can cause no end of tension in a young family, because the spouse also has a family that will have ideas about who that baby should be named after.

When we started our family we purposely chose names that nobody on either side owned, so there wouldn’t be issues of favoritism. Then had to correct situations where grandparents, aunts and uncles wouldn’t call them by their actual names. Best idea is to be happy for whatever name the parents choose (don’t pout if it’s not your favorite), then pay attention to what THEY call their child. If you reinforce the child’s awakening to his or her own self-identity, it helps cement your relationship.

3. Be Careful With Your Pet Names

Just as you may want to choose your own grandmother title, you may be tempted to stick a cute kiddy nickname on your grandbaby. This may be entirely inappropriate, so approach this with caution. If the parents use a nick, you can probably use the same one. Or not, it mostly depends on your relationship.

It may be okay to call the child by his/her formal name, even if the parents use an informal nick. “Steven” instead of “Stevie,” “Abigail” instead of “Abbie,” things like that. This way the child knows s/he has a formal, important-sounding name, and that his/her grandmother says it like it really *is* important. Makes them feel grown up.

4. Package Advice With a Spoonful of Sugar

Giving advice is always a tricky thing, and when you’re dealing with new parents it’s good to remember they’ve been through a lot very recently in just getting that baby into the world. If possible always wait for the right opening – when your daughter asks or expresses confusion, or her spouse expresses frustration.

Whatever you do, try hard to avoid taking sides in any ongoing disagreements between the parents. The last thing you want to do is cement dissent in the new family, so it’s best to put your best UN-style diplomatic skills to good use. These skills are something grandmas possess in abundance!

5. Be Positive, Even if Your Son-In-Law is Worthless

I’m joking, of course. Heard a Bluegrass band on the radio the other day called “The Worthless Son-In-Laws” (sic), which is the best band name since grandson #1 came up with “Puppet Hand Gone Bad” some years ago. So long as your child is happy in her marriage and he’s not running around or beating her, give him the benefit of the doubt. If you keep an open mind and get to know him, you might even figure out what she sees in him!

Stay tuned for tip installment #2…

Posts to This Series:
Part 1: Tips 1 – 5
Part 2: Tips 6 – 10
Part 3: Tips 11 – 15

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